Aw, my wife must have realized I haven’t masturbated to pictures of her lately, and was kind enough to take some new ones in lingerie.

And a posterior shot for…um, posterity.

Oh, two different bikinis today, at that. Someone is trying to score brownie points.

I’m sorry, Kelly babe. I know you tried so hard yesterday to get my attention in that small white bikini with your humongous tits popping out of them, but Gillian Jacobs and Alison Brie stole your thunder.

I appreciate that you tried again today, though. That just shows how much you truly love me.

Reason 1 why I would never ever be gay: Kelly Brook.